This episode is for you if you want to feel more grateful, thankful, aligned, and motivated toward your dream life. My guest today is Shilamida Friedman, Transformation & Lifestyle Mentor, 4 time bestselling author, podcast host of 50 shades of Shilamida.

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Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me today, Lucy.

I love your brand. You are the goddess of gratitude. And oh, I am so big on gratitude.

And that is why we are here to help you have more gratitude in life and therefore more success. So what does having gratitude mean to you?

So having gratitude is more than just saying, I am grateful. It is an energy. It is a straight connection to God source universe, whatever power out there that you believe in that is guiding us that is connecting with us.

Gratitude is a way to connect. Gratitude is a way to manifest gratitude is a way to shift your whole entire being.

And do you believe this gratitude is a skill that we can develop, or something we were naturally born with, but forget to practice until we’re reminded to, it is definitely a skill set that you get to practice and become really good at.

Because when I say to people, Oh, are you grateful? Usually I hear, of course, I’m grateful, like, who’s not grateful, right? I get an answer like that.

But then when I ask, Are you actually grateful 20 times a day? Like, do you stop and intentionally be grateful throughout your day, then usually like the backpedal answer comes in, and it’s like, Oh, well, maybe no, this, that the other thing. So part of my story, one of my books is called from food stamps to first class.

And so I had a life that was full of misfortune. And everything was going wrong and all the things and then I learned about gratitude. And it wasn’t just learning about gratitude.

It was everything that I was seeking. Kabbalah, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Doreen Virtue, even religion, Christianity, Judaism, like anything that you seek to, there is an underlying core value, and that is gratitude. And so when I was at the peak of my poorest, woe is me victim self, one day I was like, screw it, what do I have to lose?

Let me just try this gratitude stuff. And to be honest with you, I was in such a dark place in my life, I really had a hard time being grateful. I was like, what am I going to be grateful for?

I was 250 pounds, I was a single mom living on food stamps, my dad had just passed away, like it was just like one thing after the other. And it was like, what do I have to be grateful for? And the truth is, is that we take for granted the things that we have in our everyday life, because we just assume that we’re supposed to have it, right?

But how many people are living in this world without a computer, without internet, without a telephone, without communication, without a pair of shoes, without food to eat, right? It’s like the things that we have in our everyday life that we’re not grateful for. I’m sure if I asked the average person, are you grateful for your internet connection?

It would like laugh at me. But the truth is, is that we are so abundant, and we live in such luxury, we don’t even understand it. And those first few weeks, months, even years were really hard for me, I struggled with the gratitude piece.

And now it’s like a superpower. And I’m so easily tapped into it. But to answer your question, yes, it is something that you could definitely develop.

I resonate with everything you just said, because gratitude is so essential in life, it not only does it rewire our brain, like you mentioned earlier, shifts our energy. And I think that different energy is where the transformation comes in. For example, like, even in our darkest days, I can think of my darkest days when I, for example, had an argument with my husband, I would still journal in my gratitude journal, you know, I’m grateful for my husband for teaching me patience, because I was such an impatient person before going through these arguments with him.

And it’s taught me so much, even through the dark tunnels. So yes, thank you for sharing your perception of gratitude. And I just want every listener to really remind ourselves, not just like you said, not just once, you know, on Thanksgiving Day, not just Oh, today, I am grateful.

I am a grateful person. But really the daily hourly even anytime throughout the day, you can stop yourself and reset your intention and feel the gratitude throughout the day.

Yeah, well, that’s really why it becomes a superpower, because people think that you could get to a perfect life. And there’s no such thing as a perfect life. Even when you have all the money in the world, your dream house, your dream car, your dream husband, your dream family, right?

Even when you get all of the things, there’s still things that are going to happen. Right? Bad things are always going to happen.

People are always going to make you mad, you’re going to get cut off, like, you know, things are going to happen. And gratitude helps you live in duality, the person that I used to be, if somebody would upset me, it would ruin an entire week or month or year for that matter, right? I would let something that was so small affect my life in such a big way.

And now I live such a big, abundant life, things are going wrong every hour. And it’s like, I’m able to bounce back and forth, I’m able, I’m able to be really pissed off and then laugh five minutes later, I’m able to cry and then be happy 10 minutes later, I’m able to bounce back in and out of these emotions really fast, because gratitude helps me to do that. But when you’re talking to somebody who’s in victim mode, or somebody who’s not happy in their life, or someone who’s having a lot of problems, they just keep complaining about the same thing over and over again.

And they can’t get themselves out of that story, because they just keep getting sucked into it. And so when you learn to use gratitude as a superpower, it’s like you could be really upset and within minutes shift your whole entire being to being in a better mood in a better state of mind in a manifesting frequency where now you’re calling in positive things instead of more negatives.

And that’s what personal development is all about. We still get those limits in life, we still get those curveballs, but we have the ability to expedite that process, right? Like you mentioned that you can be a certain way because of your thoughts in five minutes time, you could be a completely different person, because you have these tools.

And I believe gratitude is one of those tools that can help us move from self doubt from the to a confident and more joyful life. What role do you think gratitude play in manifesting or attracting what we really desire our dream life? Well, gratitude is the secret, right?

It is the secret to life. And if you’ve never heard of the book, that’s actually what really shifted my existence in 2007. There is a book CD set DVD called the secret and the secret talks about gratitude being the secret weapon of manifesting your desires.

And the thing about manifesting for those of you listening that may have never heard that term, manifesting is attracting, it’s like attracts like, so you’re attracting whatever you’re thinking. And what people don’t understand is that we’re manifesting 24 seven, every thought that’s going out of your mind is an energetic receptor. So if you’re thinking negative thoughts, then you’re attracting more negativity.

If you’re thinking positive thoughts, then you’re attracting positivity. So when you’re using gratitude as a manifesting tool, you’re grateful for the things that you have in the present tense. And then you’re grateful for the things that you desire as though you already have them and you live in that frequency.

If you’re in the personal development world, then you hear the term act as though a lot. And so what does that mean? Act as though and it’s, when I was on food stamps, I was manifesting being a rich, wealthy woman.

And so I didn’t have the money to go get a weekly blowout or to go on fancy vacations or to go to a luxurious spa. But what I did was I called the local hair school and they did blowouts for $5. And so I would save my quarters.

And every once in a while, I would go to the hair school and I would pretend when I would close my eyes and they were washing my hair. I would pretend that I was in a fancy spa and I would feel the feeling and I would be so happy and excited. And I put myself into a situation where I was acting as though, but I was still living in my means.

And now I get blowouts one to two times a week at a beautiful salon and my life matched up to my desire. And so it’s like, if you want to travel, then you have to dream about it. So for instance, today in my monthly gratitude membership, I had an exercise of travel.

And so I asked the question, where do you want to go? Do you want to go to the beach? Do you want to go to the mountains?

Do you want to fly there? Do you want to drive there? What do you want to do when you get there?

It’s like, you put yourself in that scenario because the average person is working all the time. They’re not stopping to think about their next vacation. They’re thinking about how they can’t pay their next bill.

So now they’re thinking about, well, how am I going on vacation if I can’t even pay my next bill? But the thing is, is that a vacation could come out of nowhere. You can win a prize.

You can be invited to go somewhere. You can step into a situation that a trip is involved. The thing with manifesting is trusting that your desire is going to match up with the energy of what you’re putting out because people are stuck in the how.

Well, I’m broke and I’m on food stamps. So how am I possibly going to go on vacation? That’s not even a possibility for my life.

So why would I even think about that? And that’s where the mistake is because if you’re not dreaming about it, then you’re never going to match your energy to it. That’s why the dreaming process is such an important process in this because when you dream and you put yourself in that state of feeling and you can actually feel yourself on vacation, feel yourself in that spa chair, feel yourself in your dream car, then the energy of the universe, God’s source, whatever is out there that we’re creating with matches up to what you’re dreaming.

And all of a sudden you’re like, oh my gosh, like things are happening and it’s like magic and I’m living in miracles.

And it’s truly the way that Yes, I can’t agree more. But you know what, you have to have the audacity to believe it’s possible. Because so many women don’t believe what’s possible out there. And if you believe it, everything becomes easier.

Well, part of it is the belief system is that wherever you are right now is knowing that this is just a stepping point. This is the wisdom that you’re going to talk about in the future. I mean, there was definitely a point where I was on food stamps where I very much played the victim role.

And I was like, this is my life. I’m doomed. You know, this is everything is happening to me.

I don’t understand why I’m living like this. And I would look at other people in jealousy and envy and be like, why does she have that? And I don’t.

Why does she have an amazing man like that? And I’m single mom on food stamps. Why did they get to go to Turks and Caicos and I don’t get to travel, right?

That’s the way that I would spend my day. I would spend my day in negativity, looking at other people, because this is when social media just started. So it was like a real mind leap.

And I just would look at people all day long. And then I got into the world of personal development. And I started learning that you have to look at everything through a lens of love, which is really hard when you’re struggling.

But I started shifting my thinking. And I started looking at the couple that was so in love. And I’d be like, oh, I love that they’re in love.

And I love that one day I’m going to be in love. And I’m grateful for my love. Oh, look at them.

They’re on vacation again. I love that they get to travel so much. I love that they’re at the beach.

I love that one day I’m going to be there too. I’m grateful that I get to go on beach vacations. And I literally started changing the language.

But in order to do that, the first thing that you need to do is you need to be aware of your negative thoughts. And a lot of people, this is where the big block comes in. Because a lot of people cannot look themselves in the mirror and be like, oh, I’m kind of shitty today, right?

People cannot look at their ego and say, oh, I’m being negative, or I’m being jealous, or I’m being envious, or I’m putting negativity out there because misery loves company. So most people are surrounded by negativity. They’re surrounded by people who are complaining so they don’t even hear themselves.

And the way that it shifted for me is early on in this process, I had a new friend come over to my apartment. And she actually said to me, you’re really negative and you complain a lot. And I was like, oh, that’s a really crappy thing to say to somebody, right?

But I’m so grateful for her because it changed everything for me because I truly didn’t know that I was negative and that I complained a lot. It was just my regular being. And I was surrounded by people who loved to listen to me complain.

And I would do the same for them. And so when this person came in, she shifted my whole existence because the next time I walked into a restaurant and I heard the complaint come into my head before it came out of my mouth, and then I took it back. And I’d be like, no, I’m grateful that I could be sitting in this restaurant, right?

I mean, I went from food stamps where there was an entire week that I ate Subway sandwiches because I collected all of my neighbor’s coupons for $1.99 footlongs. And so then I really appreciated the fact that I was able to sit inside of a restaurant, have somebody serve me a meal. And even if it was cold and even if it was gross and whatever, whatever the thing was, because let’s face it, you can walk into a room and you can complain about a hundred things.

It’s so easy to do that. But can you walk into a room and find a hundred things to be grateful for? There’s a very different energetic that comes with that.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. But what I heard is that you had difficult times. And honestly, we all do we have bad days, there are days we just even when we’re fully aware of it, even when we want to be more conscious about our positivity, there are going to be days where we feel harder than the others.

So how can someone stay more grateful, even when life feels hard?

Well, the first step is the awareness of it. Okay, I’m having a bad moment. Let me shift this.

Now let me find something to be grateful for. Okay, this is really bothering me. Let me move this out of my body.

Let me go for a walk. Let me jump up and down. Let me turn on some music.

Let me dance. It’s shit. You have to shift yourself out of the energy.

It’s easy to be mad and to be mad forever. We’ve all been there. And trust me, I call myself the goddess of gratitude, but I’m not grateful all day long.

I’ve got three kids plus two bonus kids. I’ve got a business. I’ve got a husband that runs a business.

There are punches all day long, and you will find me being negative and complaining. That skillset has not left me. I am not positive 100 times a day, but the goal is to be positive more than 50% of your day.

So one of the things that I really adopted was starting my morning with gratitude. First thing in the morning, I thank God. Now, I don’t use God as a religion.

God is an energetic force for me. And so I used to think of God as a dirty word. If you said the word God for me, I was like, no, no, no.

That’s not a conversation I want to have because I did not relate to religion. I did not like all the rules that were attached. But somewhere in 2020 in the heart of COVID, I found my own connection with God.

And I started thanking God first thing in the morning. And I have to tell you, it changed everything. So because I’m the goddess of gratitude and gratitude shifted my life, we always have a gratitude practice at night.

I’ve been doing this since my 18 year old has been about 18 months. So it’s been a long time that every night before we go to sleep, we’re grateful. But once I started being grateful in the morning, everything changed.

I used to not be a morning person. I hated mornings. If you came within five feet of me, between the hours of waking up and like noon, you were getting the wrath of me.

And what happened was once I started thanking God in the morning, all of a sudden I started waking up before my alarm. And there is nothing worse than when the alarm goes off in the morning. It is like the worst sound of all time when you’re sleeping.

But there is a different energy when you’re suddenly waking up right before the alarm goes off and you’re awake. And it was like God was waking me and being like, let’s have our time together. And so I would thank God.

I’m grateful for my bed. I’m grateful for my sheets. I’m grateful.

I woke up today. I’m grateful. I’m going to have an amazing day setting an intention for your day.

I’m grateful that everybody I talked to today is going to be kind and loving. I’m grateful that miracles are going to happen. I’m grateful that unexpected things are coming my way.

And I don’t start every morning like that. I’m not going to sit here and fluff for you that it happens like that. But on the days that I do put that intention in, it is like miracles happen.

Like all of a sudden I’ll get like a flower delivery or all of a sudden like a new opportunity comes my way, or I’ll get a phone call. That’s like really amazing. It really works.

It’s just, you have to set the intention. And if you could do it every day, then you’re going to start to see miracles all the time. But if you just start with thanking God or thanking the universe, or thank you for waking up today, because how many people are going to go to sleep tonight and not wake up tomorrow morning, that is the reality of our existence is that we really don’t know when the end is near.

And so when you’re able to appreciate the fact that you’re alive right now, and somebody else didn’t make it today, it changes everything so much.

Yes, I love waking up a couple minutes before my alarm with gratitude, laying in bed, I am grateful that I am alive. I say this all the time. I am grateful for zoom as we are speaking.

I’m grateful for Facebook. That’s where we connected. I am grateful, you know, just for these platforms where we are able to connect with other people who are on the same journey as us who are more positive, who are genuinely grateful for everything around us, because having gratitude, not only do we wake up in bed, right, it makes a big impact on our day, especially our daily decision making.

And I pride myself in being a very decisive and confident person. And I believe that is deeply rooted also in my own gratitude. For sure.

Yeah, people take gratitude for granted. They think that they’re being grateful, but they’re really not. It’s it’s not just about saying the words I am grateful.

It is feeling it the inside it is being super intentional with it. And it’s making that connection. It’s an energetic connection.

What is one thing you’re most grateful for now in your own journey that you once took for granted?

I’m being grateful now for time freedom. I have a lot of time and space in my life. I used to be a licensed acupuncturist.

I used to work seeing, you know, four patients in an hour, 20 patients a day. I was constantly working. I was constantly running.

And even though I own my own business, I didn’t consider that time freedom. I considered myself a slave to my business. And I remember, I don’t know if you know anything about human design, but I learned about human design.

I learned that I was a projector. And in the very first class that I took, I was told to take a nap in the middle of the day. And I was like, are you joking?

Like nap? I don’t even stop to eat lunch. Who’s going to take a nap.

And so I remember going to my husband’s office and his brother came into the office and they started making lunch plans. And I looked at him, I’m like, is this what you do all day at work? And he’s like, what do you mean?

And I’m like, you go to lunch. And he’s like, well, that’s how we eat. Chill.

He’s like, what do you think? And I’m like, you know, here I was, I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was 21 years old, but it was like, I didn’t allow myself to do things like that. I was very rigid and I was very strict with myself.

And so in the beginning, when I was told that I was a projector in human design, I poopooed that. I was like, nah, this human design stuff is not for me. But the more I kept hearing about it, the more I was like, well, let me try this.

And I remember the first time I took a bath at 11 AM and I literally was like looking over my shoulder and I’m like, am I allowed to do this? Am I allowed to take a bath at 11 o’clock in the morning? Like, shouldn’t I be working or doing something?

And so the time freedom is such a luxury and it’s something that people desire, but when they get it, they don’t even know what to do with it. Because when I retired as an acupuncturist, the reason why I did that is because I really wanted to focus on being a motivational speaker and an author and really being able to speak to groups of people. But what I did was I went into grieving and I started grieving the career that I had let go of and I was just trying to fill the time and I made myself very busy.

I started selling a brand called Pure Haven, which I still do. It’s a direct sales company. And what people don’t understand about direct sales and MLM is that if you want to be successful in those companies, you actually have to run it as a business.

And so running a business means that you put all of your time and effort and attention into that. And so I found myself working a business that I was making a very small profit on in comparison to the business I was running for myself. And all of a sudden I was busier than I was before having an acupuncture practice.

And I loved it because in that time I needed to fill the time and space. But the whole point of me giving up my acupuncture practice was that I was trying to create more time and space so that I could really do what I love doing and I desire doing, which is doing things like this. And so it gave me an outlet and it made me a lot of connections.

And so I’m so grateful for it and I love the product. So that’s why I still do it in my spare time, but it looks very different now. So I think that time freedom is something that I really took for granted because we all want it, but how many people actually give themselves the time to take a break unless they’re on vacation and they’re like, well, I don’t want to do anything.

And so now my whole life is a vacation when I’m working and when I’m home, I’m working and because it’s not work anymore, I enjoy it. And so if I saw this and I was sitting on a beach somewhere and you were looking for a podcast guest, I would have taken the podcast interview on vacation because this isn’t work. This is, this is what I love.

Oh, I cannot agree more. This fuels us. We want to help as much people as possible because we feel the gratitude in our own time freedom.

And I think to your point, I felt the same way. I worked way too hard in my twenties to the point of burnout. And my success and happiness was defined by more work.

It was defined by doing more and saying yes to more things. And only until really later in my thirties, did I learn that my success now depends on my ability to actually say no to things with confidence. Yeah.

That’s a beautiful thing, right? So success was always attached to doing, being, making money. And the thing is, is that money doesn’t buy you freedom.

People think that money buys everything. Money buys happiness. Money buys this money, but it doesn’t.

Going from food stamps to a wealthy woman, I can guarantee you that if you don’t do the inner work, the personal development, growing your emotional intelligence, most women are walking around as a child. You’re still a child inside of an adult body. And until you grow yourself up and you parent yourself, the money’s not going to matter.

It’s going to give you a short dopamine hit. You’re going to be happy for a minute, but you’re not going to live in complete happiness. Like I can truthfully say that I live on heaven on earth.

Like that is my existence now. And that doesn’t mean that my days are perfect. My days are far from perfect, but it’s just, I’ve learned to live in the duality of everything that’s happening.

And so no day is a bad day, but every year just keeps getting better than the rest. Because one of my mottos is it just keeps getting better. It just keeps getting better.

And so every year just keeps getting better and better and better. So when you start adapting these little things, you’re going to see a huge shift in your life. Thank you for all your wisdom.

And if you were having a bad day yourself, is there a favorite quote that you resort to?

Yeah.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world by Gandhi. That literally used to hang above my mirror when I was on food stamps. And in my very first book that I wrote, I wrote a thank you and put it in there because every day I would look at that quote and every day my goal would be to be better than I was yesterday.

I stopped thriving to compete with other people. And I started thriving to just compete with myself and to become the best version of me. And I truly feel that I’m doing that.

And that’s the best feeling in the world because there was a time where I was not such a good person and I did not say nice things and I did not do good in the world. And so becoming me, this version of me, I’m really proud of her. And I really love her.

And I’m really grateful that I was given this information and I was able to not only receive it, but to apply it to my life. And now in turn, be able to share the wisdom with others so that they can shift their life too.

Well, thank you again for being with us. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, connect with Sheila Mita. Her links are below.

Thanks again. 

Thank you.

Let me know if this is you. As the year comes towards an end, I’ve been reflecting. I have felt that quiet tug of disappointment when I thought to myself, I didn’t accomplish much this year.

And maybe you felt this way too. Maybe your big goals didn’t happen. The project didn’t launch.

The plans didn’t unfold as planned. I myself also have these doubts too that this year didn’t go as planned or it wasn’t as productive as say two years ago. And yet, deep down, I know this year was not wasted.

I learned. I healed. I became.

So I’m here to remind you the same. You learned. You healed.

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Hello, hello, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the Lucy Liu show. So today I want to talk to you about what it really means to end a year feeling behind, but realizing in fact, you actually grew in all the right ways.

So we live in a world that constantly tells us we have to achieve to be enough that our worth is tied to our productivity, our goals, our outcomes. 

So when the year winds down and you don’t have a long list of accomplishments, it’s really easy to feel like you felt short. But here’s what I learned and I want you to remember too.

Just because the results were not loud, doesn’t mean the growth wasn’t real. Some seasons in life are about planting, not harvesting. And this might have been one of those seasons for you.

It was definitely a season of healing for me. For those who follow me on social media, you would know I had a really bad ankle sprain on New Year’s Eve, ligaments torn in bed, in pain, most of January, it’s October now, as I’m recording this, now my ankle is still not fully healed. So my word of the year changed to healing.

Maybe you didn’t move mountains, but you learn how to rest. Maybe you didn’t build something big, but you learned who you can trust. 

Maybe you didn’t achieve the thing you set out to achieve this year, but you found peace in letting go.

That is still growth. Quiet growth counts too. Think about it.

Every moment you chose peace over panic, you grew. Every time you showed up when it was not easy, you built resilience. Every no you said to protect your energy was an act of confidence.

You made deposits into your resilience bank, into your confidence bank. 

Those invisible moments are the foundation of everything that comes next year or into the future. 

Confidence isn’t built in the spotlight.It’s built in the stillness. It’s in those late reflections. 

It’s in those solo walks, those quiet tears no one saw.

That’s where transformation happens. So if you’re listening or watching and you think to yourself, I didn’t do enough this year, I want to gently remind you, you did more than you think. Let’s reframe this.

Maybe this year wasn’t a slow year after all. Maybe it was a sacred one. This was the year you finally learned the lessons that don’t fit so nicely on a vision board.

You learned how to pause without feeling guilty. 

You learned how to trust the timing of your life. 

You learned how to be kinder to yourself when things don’t go as planned.

You learned that being still can still be powerful. 

And you learned that confidence is not loud. And maybe just maybe this was the year your soul caught up to your goals.

See, none of these you can actually put onto your vision board, but they are still important. 

Before you rush into setting new resolutions for next year, I invite you to take a breath, a deep breath, and take a moment to honor this version of you, the one who kept showing up, even when it was difficult. Give yourself a little pat on the back.

And you know what? 

Maybe you don’t even need to hustle into next year. 

You walk into it peacefully, knowing that who you are becoming is just as important as what you are achieving.

Success isn’t about crossing everything off your list.

It’s about aligning your life with your truth, with your values, and your priorities. 

Ask yourself these questions. 

• What did I learn about myself this year? 
• What moments made me proud, even if no one saw them? 
• Where did I show courage, even in the smallest ways? 

These reflections are still real wins for the year.

And finally, let’s bring it back to gratitude, because gratitude turns what we have into enough and much more. When we can be grateful, even when things didn’t go our way, that’s when we take back our power. Gratitude reminds us that every experience, even the tough ones, is shaping us into the person we’re meant to be.

So as you close out this year, whisper a quiet thank you. 

Thank you to the lessons. Thank you to the detours.

Thank you to the version of you that kept going, even when no one was cheering for you. Because she, that version of you, is the reason you’re still here. Still hopeful, still learning, and still growing.

And that makes you wiser, stronger, and more prepared for everything that’s coming. 

So let’s walk into the new year not with pressure, but with peace. Not with fear, but with faith.

And not with hustle, but with love. 

You did enough this year, and you are enough. 

And next year, it’s going to reflect all the quiet work you’ve already done this year.

Thank you for being here, for listening, for watching, and for allowing me to walk this journey with you. 

If today’s episode spoke to your heart, share it with a friend who needs the reminder they did more than they think. 

Until next time, I’m Lucy Liu, and remember, quiet confidence creates loud results.

And if you need my personal guidance to plan and execute some dream goals of yours, maybe you’ve been putting it off on the back burner, but feel free to book a call with me, link below.

This episode is for you if you are a growth minded entrepreneurial women who is looking for a dose of inspiration for grit and greatness as we will learn about the founder story of Julie Cole. 

Julie Cole is a recovered lawyer, speaker, mom of six and co-founder of Mabel’s Labels. Julie is an award-winning entrepreneur, best-selling author and media personality having appeared on NBC’s The Today Show, CNN, and numerous websites, magazines and podcasts.

Things we talked about:

• Self double vs going all in when first launching a business
• lowest points in the journey, and how did you push through 
• When feel like giving up what kept you going
• the big break or turning point that helped beyond the basement
• mindset shift going from solopreneur to CEO of a multimillion-dollar brand
• How to stay grounded and focused when stakes get higher
• What does success look like now
• How has confidence played a role in journey
• Best tip to make a bold move

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Hello, hello, beautiful souls. This episode is for you. If you are a growth minded entrepreneurial woman who is looking for a dose of inspiration for grit and greatness, as we will learn about the founder story of Julie Cole.

Hello, Lucy, thanks so much for having me. 

I’m so excited to have you because the last time we’ve seen each other, we were having so much fun on a rooftop party. 

We sure were not bad.

Palm Springs, right?

Alt Summit. Good times.

Awesome. Well, Julie is a recovered lawyer, speaker, mom of six and co founder of Mabel’s Labels. And Julie is also award winning entrepreneur, best selling author, media personality having appeared on NBC’s Today Show, CNN, numerous websites, magazines, podcasts, you name it.

She is remarkable. 

Well, I get around a bit.

I’m tired. Let’s just say I’m tired. 

Well, in case someone listening does not know Mabel’s label is like the go to personalized, durable, waterproof label for kids. So let’s go back a little bit to the beginning.

When you first started your company 22 years ago, were you in self doubt mode? Or was there actually a moment when you were like, your thoughts were, oh, this is it. I’m going all in.

Oh, it’s so funny, because I think that changes for entrepreneurs. I think that can change not just day to day, but minute to minute, depending on your mood, if you’ve had any sleep, if your children are driving you crazy, if you’ve left your job, how your finances are all that sort of stuff. But for us, you know, I started Mabel’s Labels 22 years ago in the basement.

It was my sister’s basement. I started with three other women. And there were two reasons why this this business started.

As you mentioned, I was a recovered lawyer. But at the time, my eldest of my six children was just three and he was diagnosed with autism. And I didn’t feel that the traditional workforce would suit the life that I wanted, which was a life with a little more flexibility.

I wanted to be able to take him to meetings, appointments, advocate for him, all that sort of stuff. So there that was reason number one. Reason number two was we had a good idea along, like I said, with my sister and two of our good friends.

We were like, why are we losing stuff? Why are we using masking tape and permanent marker? Surely there’s something out there.

And there wasn’t. So we did fill a gap in the marketplace. And as you mentioned, our very first product was a personalized dishwasher microwave safe label.

So it was a peel and stick and it would go on the bottles and the sippy cups and the wipes containers and the snack containers. And it would go through the dishwasher and stay there, stay put. That was our secret sauce that our product did what it said it would do.

And over the years, you know, we’ve launched several, several new products for, you know, all of all of your labeling needs. I am going to say, though, it was tough 22 years ago, because remember, these were the times before social media, before podcasts, before we could connect online with other entrepreneurs. And I think for a lot of solo entrepreneurs, particularly, and especially like we were in the mom space.

So the mom entrepreneurs, it could be very lonely, right? Doing starting a business alone in your basement, and raising your kids alone, I often find that work life and parenting life can often kind of resemble each other. So for us, I think a real advantage to having the four co-founders was when one of us was thinking, what have we done?

What did we think we were capable of? The three others would be shut it, we got this, we can do this. And also it helped very much in that early division of labor.

And in that early getting the word out there, the word of mom. So it was quite helpful to have co-founders at that time, for sure.

What would you say was a low point in your journey? And how did you push through?

Um, I think as far as, you know, the business itself, I mean, we were always juggling things like, you know, more kids and kids illnesses, and because we were all kind of doing the mom thing and the entrepreneurship thing. So we were managing that again, having the four of us was really great, because we could cover for each other. I don’t know that we had any really low points in that, you know, we did have early growth, we were able to bootstrap, we never had to look for funding, we we had some very good early signs of success.

But I think it was tough, like some of those challenges were, although it was a benefit having four, sometimes having four men, a lot of opinions up the table, a lot of feisty ideas and conversation. And sometimes we had to make sure we managed that. And we did get a sort of a business coach who we kind of called our marriage counselor, to make sure that we were navigating our relationships with each other and our communication well.

So that was something we always had to really be mindful of. I think also, whenever you know, there was a change, we hadn’t had to navigate that, right? Like parenting, soon as you think you know what you’re doing, I know babies, you have a toddler, I know toddlers, you have a preschooler.

And that’s the same with business, you know, I can do a basement startup, but holy, now we need to make some hires, I don’t know anything about HR, what do we do about that? So you know, you’re always soon as you think you know what you’re doing, you don’t. So getting used to that, but that’s kind of the fun in the sport of entrepreneurship as well.

So, you know, remaining innovative and bringing in new technologies and staying connected to our customers has always just made it all worth it.

Was there any point that you thought you guys might have to give up or just when things get tough? What kept you going?

Yeah, I think because, you know, again, having each other was very helpful around sort of that, you know, mental health piece to it. And mental health can really impact entrepreneurs. And I think it’s something to be very mindful of, because again, it can be very isolating.

And if you’re working alone, your brain gremlins can tell you you’re not good enough, you’re not worth it, you’re going to fail. So making sure you’re connecting with networks, I always say your net worth, so make sure that you’re speaking to people about what your challenges are, so it can quiet those gremlins down. A lot of entrepreneurs, it’s very important, yes, to have a mentor, to have a therapist, all of those things.

I think having that in your back pocket is what’s going to get you through those really difficult times and making sure that you’re just staying connected. Because isolation can do funny things to your brain.

Totally, totally. So what was like a big breaking point or turning point that you got out of the basement?

So I’m going to say a couple of things. The first one, we had a couple nice little early press hits, which were great, you know, like it was like, back to school and a journalist was like, you know, this is back in the day of print magazine, and everybody ordered parenting magazine and stuff. But, you know, companies like ours, we couldn’t afford advertisements.

My goodness, those big glossy magazines, we were in a basement, for goodness sake. So, you know, we did get a few nice little hits where somebody would be like, oh, my favorite top five products for back to school, Mabel’s Labels. So we had some nice hits like that.

But I think the one that really was a bit of a game changer for us, and I don’t know, this probably was before your time, there was a newsletter that went out every day called Daily Candy. And once a week, they would do Daily Candy Kids, and they would showcase a product that one of the readers had just submitted. So we go on to our little laptop that day to see our few orders for the day.

And it was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. We were like that small business going, what’s going on? Why are we getting all these orders?

And where we said, how did you hear? It said Daily Candy Kids. We’re like, what is Daily Candy Kids?

So we learned quickly what Daily Candy Kids was. And it was remarkable for us, because what had happened is somebody, you know, somebody had seen us, one of those journalists, like had covered us and then sent labels to her cousin in LA, and the cousin had submitted us. So we were able to figure out where it all came from.

But the beautiful thing about our product is that once people see it, they want it. And you know, we talk about products we love and hate like it’s our full-time job. And in those early days, we didn’t have mom blogs yet.

We didn’t have moms owning TikTok or Instagram or Facebook or anything like that, right? So people would see our products and talk about our products in real life. So we often found if we had a nice little hit like Daily Candy Kids, we would have a huge spike and things would settle down a little bit, but they would never go back to where we started.

And then a couple weeks later, we’d get another spike because all of our labels that were bought in the first spike were out in the wild. They were at daycare, they were at ballet, they were at camp, they were at all the schools, and other parents were seeing them saying, what is that label that when it goes through the dishwasher microwave, so that would, you know, lead to our next little spike, and it just kind of kept going from there.

I love the reminder that it’s a surprise, right? It’s kind of like a ripple effect. You never know where your clients are coming from, but you got to do the work in the first place to get there.

And you know what? I love that you said that, Lucy, because I know in those early days, there were things that I did. I’m like, oh, was that a waste of my time?

Especially, you know, I was juggling all those little kids and stuff, and I remember doing this one baby show, and I was like, oh, I don’t think it’s really our demographic. And I spent all day on my feet at this booth wearing a baby, and I was like, eh, nothing’s coming out of that. Well, of course, then six months later, I get a call from somebody who saw us at that show, and they worked for the school board, and they wanted to get our labels out to the entire school board.

And I remember thinking, huh, that was the event I regretted going to. So you need to keep turning up. Nothing’s a waste of time.

You just got to, you know, it’s going to feel frustrating at times. You’re going to be like, is this meaningful or not? And you do have to pick and choose where you go.

You know, you have to be strategic about it, for sure. And obviously, you know, at that time, I was feeling frustrated because I was a tired young mom. But I did get in front of people who would use Mabel’s labels, which we found out six months later, there was some success there.

Beautifully said. What kind of mindset shift do you think you made going from the basement to the CEO of a multi-million dollar brand?

Yeah, it can be tough. For entrepreneurs, I think the transition is particularly tricky because in those early days, you’re kind of doing everything right, and you’re in the weeds. Like we were making labels, we were like answering the phone, we were doing it all.

And so you really felt like you had a finger on the pulse. And often entrepreneurs can be a little bit control freaky, especially about their businesses, because we’re really invested, right? Like there’s a lot of money, sweat equity that we’ve put into these businesses.

So they are like another child, another baby. So we didn’t have such a problem when we did those early hires, like some customer service reps, some people that actually make the labels and pack them up. We were okay with that.

Our problem was when we hired management, and that’s because we had to let go of the reins and we had to give other people decision-making ability, hiring ability. We had to give them room to make mistakes because if you micromanage your leadership team, they’re not going to stick around. And if you micromanage them, then you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

If you’re still working in the business, who’s working on the business? You can get people to work in the business, but you need to be the one working on the business. So my advice to entrepreneurs out there is that when you get to the point where you have to make hires, make the hires, hire people that are smarter than you, that have skills that you don’t have, leave your ego at the door.

Good leaders make leaders. They don’t want followers. They want more leaders and don’t micromanage them because then they’ll stick around and then they’ll be more entrepreneurial, which is good for your business and good for your bottom line.

So how do you stay grounded now and focus and stay focused when the stake is getting higher now?

Yeah, well, you know what? I think it’s just, you know, you have to do a lot of planning. I mean, we’re meeting in two weeks to do a three-day, full three-day strategic plan to take it through to the next five years.

You have to be smart about it. You have to get the right people at your table. You have to plan.

You have to set goals. You have to make sure those goals are trickling down to your team and they’re seeing everybody is working towards the same goals, whatever those may be. You have to be flexible enough to be able to shift.

If the market changes, you might have to change too. COVID could happen and shut you all down. What are you going to do then, right?

So with that entrepreneurial spirit, you have to remain the most innovative and you have to always be, always be planning.

Oh, I love that so much. You guys hear that? She’s spending three days planning for the next five years.

How much time are you spending planning your life and business, right?

It’s true. And you know what? It’s one of those things where people are like, I’m too busy to do this.

And if you don’t carve out the time, then you’re going to be busy and you’re not going to be accomplishing much because where you want to be in five years, then you’re going to buy. Okay. That means in four and a half years, we’re here in four years, we’re here.

Then we have to do this kind of higher. Cause if we’re going to be there, we need to have somebody who is skilled in that it capability or whatever. So you do need to really start planning backwards from there.

And you know, it’s like, I can remember once my dad was so sick and I’m like, we have to get to the doctor. He’s like, I’m too sick for the doctor. And I’m like, really, dad feels counterintuitive.

And that’s, that’s entrepreneurs saying I’m too busy to plan or to be strategic. If that’s the case, time to get yourself a virtual assistant, time to stop doing your own taxes, time to, you know, contractors are an entrepreneur’s best friend. You know, you don’t have to hire somebody full-time in HR.

You can get a contractor to come in and do a good hire for you or to create some policy for you. Okay. Don’t, you don’t have to do the whole thing.

I know that’s overwhelming because you’re like, I can’t afford a full-time HR person, but you can afford somebody who’s going to come in and do the job right. So that you don’t have to do it again and pay again, or you don’t have to do it yourself and do it wrong, or it takes too long. Cause it’s not your area of expertise.

Everybody stay in their zone of genius.

Beautifully said. And I’ve totally, totally heard that dad saying for it.

Oh yeah. We all have the same dad, don’t we?

If you could go back, Jolie, and talk to your past self, younger self at the start of this journey, what would you say to her?

Um, I’d say stay the path Jules, you know, like you’re a great kid. You’re doing lots of really interesting things. You feel good about yourself.

You get out there, you’re kind, you have a lovely family. You’re, you know, having a lot of fun at school, at college, at law school. I will say, you know, when I finished law school and, you know, my son was diagnosed and I ended up switching in labels, I did have that moment of like, why did I do that?

Like, why did I bother going through all the hassle of law school and articles and working to be a label maker who’s changing a lot of diapers? And, you know, I have learned, you know, I think people hear this, whatever you did was not a waste of time. It was all for something.

You know what? I’m better at negotiating. I can create a shareholders agreement.

I can negotiate with my six kids. I can, law school wasn’t a waste of time. It was very useful.

So whatever you skills you bring from your past life, don’t have that moment that I did where it’s like, oh, maybe I shouldn’t have bothered because you should bother all of your experiences, bring you to where you are now. And they will they will come in handy. No regrets.

Absolutely. So I know now success look a lot different to you probably from when you first started, right? So what does success look like to you now?

Um, so success for me, I mean, it’s really quite simple. I mean, I want to meet our goals for our business. We want to make meet our sales goals.

We want to meet our community goals. We want to make sure we’re living by our core values. We’re hiring, firing by them that we are state and remaining true to things that are important to us and that we have a beautiful work culture.

That sort of that to me is success at work for me also that I’m getting out there, that I’m meeting people that I’m sharing what I know. Um, that gives me a lot of energy speaking. I just had a, I just met with a mentee just before this podcast to help her along with her, her business.

So just making sure I’m getting out there and being visible, because I think that’s even more important now because being visible creates some credibility and loyalty. And I think that’s what our customers want to see. So making sure that I’m meeting those goals as well.

Um, and honestly, like now as a mom, whose youngest child is turning 16 tomorrow, I’m hoping nobody crashes any cars every day. I, you know, I’ve got four in college for me, the success with them is that they feel good about themselves. I don’t care if they get B’s, I don’t even care if they get D’s, if that’s the best they can do for me, the priority is that they want to be here, that they feel loved.

They feel supported. They feel good about themselves because I find that the kids who have self-confidence and have supportive parents who accept them for who they are, not for who you wanted them to maybe be are the happiest kids and do go on to do great things and have fulfilling lives. So that’s what my hope is.

As another mom of a teen. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. Yes. I always tell my daughter, you know, it’s not about the grade, even though she gets straight A’s.

I’m like, I’m proud of you for working hard. I’m proud of you for being confident and kind to your friends. So that’s what we care about.

Right?

It is funny, though, because like, you know, I’ve got six. So I do see how some put this pressure like your daughter on and I’m like, I don’t know why you’re like that, because I don’t do that to you. And like, she’ll be like, No, I know that.

And then some I’m like, you know, you could be a little more motivated. It is funny how they’re all so different. And yet, the same lessons have been taught the same role modeling is a riot around here.

Honestly, it just it’s a crapshoot every day.

How has confidence played a role in your own journey?

Yeah, I think you know, I really see confidence as something of a privilege. I feel people, you know, think, Oh, Julie, you’re so brave. Look what you did.

And I’m like, was it really that brave? I mean, I had a law degree, I have parents who like loved me and supported me. And I have siblings who are my best friends.

And I was raised and encouraged to do the best I could and celebrated for just being me. So that gave me confidence. And it made me do those things early on.

You know, I was kid who ran student politics. I was that kid who was high school valedictorian. I did, because I just always put myself out there.

And I did all the stuff. And I think when you have you do that, then that kind of builds upon itself. And like, look, I’m really I’m really not that special.

And I always think about what my grandma said to me, I talked about this in the book, my book as well. And you know, she said this to all of us. And it made us very confident, but also kept us humble.

And she say, Julie, you’re as good as the rest of them. And better than none.

You are remarkable, Julie, I love your energy. I love your presence, you light up the room when you walk in. So I love everything about you.

Thank you so much for sharing all your wisdom. One last tip for everyone who is wanting to make a bold move in life and they’re feeling scared. What’s your advice?

Well, I had a sign we had a sign up at our on our wallet Mabel’s labels in the early days. And I said, if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space. So I think you need to know yourself, you need to know what your appetite for risk is, you know, if you’re a little risk averse, that’s okay.

Give yourself some little manageable chunks, some little steps, say visibility is one of the things you want to do, but you’re not exactly comfortable saying, Lucy, I want to come on your podcast, then you know what, maybe this month, you’re going to say, I’m going to ask two people if I could be a podcast guest, or I’m going to ask somebody, if I can do an insta live with them, or I’m going to turn up at that networking event, take a deep breath and walk in, you know, so maybe set little manageable chunks of goals around things that make you uncomfortable. And then just do it. Because you know what, do it hard.

Do it hard. Do it scared.

Beautifully said. What’s a favorite quote you resort to?

Yeah, good one. Okay, I’m sure I’ve got another grandma quote somewhere in here. Too many, right?

There are I do think I just laugh. I gotta tell you this one. It’s not a good quote.

It’s probably like you’re gonna get burned out quote. But on my wall in the early days of Mabel’s Labels, you know, I, you know, we were starting this business, we had all these children, I had a child who was neuro spicy, and, you know, all this jazz. And I had a sign on my wall that said, Don’t tell me I’m burning the candle at both ends.

Get me some more wax. But, but in saying that, I do think something I did well was asked for help. I did say I need more wax.

You know, when I would have a baby, people say, What can I do? I’d say you can bring the toddlers to the park for the afternoon. You can drop dinner off for me on this day.

You can get somebody to come in and clean my house. Come help me fold laundry. Even now somebody will say if I’m having a dinner party, can I bring something?

I’m like, Yes, bring a salad. Yes, I’d love you to bring dessert. If somebody’s ever asked me, can I do something for you?

Can I bring something? I always say yes. And if I did get a baby gift, I would take it and I would say thank you.

Now look into my eyes. I’m saying thank you, because you’re not going to be getting a thank you note. I don’t have the capacity for that.

But I very much appreciate this. And then I didn’t send a note.

Oh, that is beautiful. That’s such a great tip for anyone who’s just prioritizing themselves.

Yeah, you got to have some boundaries, right? Or we got to let it we got to get done in a day.

So you know, you can you can say no. Awesome. Okay, well, it was a pleasure to have you.

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and journey with us. Julie connect with Julie. All her links are linked below and you will feel inspired by following her.

Thanks so much for having me Lucy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you can solve all of your life problems? Well, today I’m going to show you the first step to doing just that.

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Welcome back to the Lucy Liu Show, the podcast where we dive deep into building unwavering confidence and creating a life of joy on your terms. I’m Lucy Liu, your host, life coach, and biggest cheerleader.

I’ve coached hundreds of women. So if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or stuck with life problems, this episode is for you as I present to you the life-changing mindset that completely transformed the life I have and the life of my clients. I was standing in line the other day for something and talking to the beautiful ladies behind me.

And they asked me this question, what do you think is the top problem you see with people you have talked to or have helped? Guess what my answer was. I said, it was that they actually don’t have a problem. Stay with me in this episode and you’ll see why I said that.

Today, we’re tackling a game-changing concept. \

The first step to solving any problem is to differentiate between the facts of life and your thoughts and feelings about those facts.

I know it sounds simple, but once you really get this, it can totally transform how you approach challenges in every area of your life.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like your problems are insurmountable, stay with me. You might just discover that the problem, quote-unquote problem you’re facing is actually one you’ve created with your own thoughts. Let’s dive in.

Let’s start with talking about how most of us actually naturally approach problems. When something happens in life, a disagreement with your partner, a less than expected performance review at work, or a dip in your business, whatever that problem is, it’s easy to believe that the event itself is the problem. But here’s the truth.

The facts are never the real problem. It is your thoughts and feelings about these facts that create your suffering. Let me give you an example.

So you are creating this new program, webinar, workshop, whatever it is that you are creating. The fact is only five people signed up. A possible thought could be, no one is interested in what I offer.

I’m a failure. This would lead to feelings of discouragement, disappointment, maybe even feeling shameful. The fact is actually neutral.

The fact is that five people signed up for your event, that is just data. That is neutral. It’s neither positive or negative.

But the story you tell yourself that you attach to it creates emotional turmoil. Okay, so here’s another example. You step on the scale and see a number.

Fact, the scale shows a number that says 160 pounds. A possible thought you could have is, I will never lose weight. I have no self-discipline.

That could possibly lead to feelings of defeated or self-criticism. Do you see the pattern I’m trying to get at? The number on the scale or the number of clients isn’t actually the source of your suffering. It’s your interpretation of it.

So how do you begin? So the first step is actually to separate the facts. Separate the facts from your thoughts and feelings. So here’s how you can do this.

Number one, state the facts like a journalist. Just a who, what, when, where. No adjectives, no interpretation, no judgment of yourself.

An example would be, instead of saying, she was rude to me, say, she said the words, I’m too busy for this right now. So I’m too busy right now might be something she said to you. But your thoughts about that statement would be, she was rude to me.

See how that could be separated?

That’s what we do in step number two is to identify your thought.

Ask yourself, what am I making this fact mean to me? Your brain will always offer you a narrative. So pay attention to it.

Make awareness of what your thoughts are about the facts. Then that leads to number three. The third step is to notice the feeling that follows.

Your thoughts create your feelings. Your thoughts create your emotions. So if you feel rejected, angry, discouraged, whatever you’re feeling, it’s because of the meaning you’ve assigned to the circumstance, the fact, the event that is happening.

But when you separate the facts from your thoughts, you’ll often discover that the problem is often self-imposed. Okay, so let’s apply this to another real life scenario that could be possible. Imagine you’re working towards a big goal.

Maybe you’re growing your business, writing a book, making a career pivot, whatever that big goal of yours is. You pitch an idea to someone and they said, no, we’re not interested right now, right? We all get no’s in life. I do, I’m sure you do in some way or another.

So the fact, the circumstance, the event is they said, no, we’re not interested right now. The thought could be, oh, they rejected me. My ideas weren’t good enough.

See, those thoughts would lead to feelings of defeated and unworthiness. But when you pause and strip down to the fact, you’ll see that the no is just data. It’s just simply a fact.

It’s simply a circumstance. It is neutral. It’s neither negative or positive.

It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or incapable. It simply means that particular person or company wasn’t interested in that particular moment. Here’s where the magic happens.

When you stop making rejection and setbacks personal, you stop suffering. You can look at the facts with curiosity instead of self-judgment. You can ask yourself, well, what can I learn from this? How can I improve or pivot? Who can I reach out to next? After you’ve pivot, made the improvement and reach out again, the answer could very likely be an yes this time.

Whereas if you stayed in the negative feelings and thoughts, if you didn’t take any positive actions, you wouldn’t have the next time around the positive results. So here’s my challenge to you. The next time you’re facing a problem, pause and do a fact check.

Write down the pure facts, the pure circumstance, the pure event that happened. Identify your thoughts about these facts. Notice how your thoughts are creating certain feelings.

Write them down. Because when you’re actually consciously doing this, you’ll be amazed at how much unnecessary stress you can release just by recognizing that the problem might only exist in your mind. And when you master this practice, you’ll feel more empowered, more grounded, and far less reactive.

You’ll start to see that you hold the power, not the circumstances.

So again, always remember that the circumstances are simply facts. They are neutral.

You get to put a positive or negative sign in front of it. This could be a very good time to actually pause the video, take out a piece of paper and do this exercise with something that has recently happened to you that is bringing you stress or feeling like it is a problem. Separate the facts and turn around your thoughts because only positive thoughts will create positive feelings.

Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, take a moment to share it with a friend who could use this message. And if you have any trouble separating your facts, thoughts, and feelings, feel free to reach out to me and I can help.

And if you’re ready to take this work deeper and build unshakable confidence, check out my free resource, a PDF with the first 10 chapters of my book, Confident and Epic. It’s packed with powerful strategies to help you shift your mindset and step into your boldest self. And you can download it by heading over to my website, lucilucoaching.com. That’s L-U-C-Y-L-I-U coaching.com. 

Until next time, remember, you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for.

Keep showing up, keep growing, and keep being you.

There’s a Reason You’re Here because you are meant for more.

You know you’re meant for more – more freedom, more truth, more you.

Guest in this episode Lydia Kimmerling is a seasoned speaker on TV shows, TEDx speaker, host of Closer to Source Podcast. She is a healing Catalyst, Spiritual Channel, and Master Life Coach who helps you uncover the hidden blocks behind emotional, physical and spiritual pain. 

Things we talked about: 

• Why do people feel stuck?
• First step to getting unstuck
• The key to feeling truly fulfilled
• What’s the most powerful energy for manifesting more in life?
• How can someone learn how to surrender?
• What is channelling?
• Why is inner wealth and inner success so important?
• How can you trust yourself more?
• and so much more

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Hello, hello, beautiful souls. There’s a reason you are here. You know you’re meant for more, more freedom, more truth, more you.

And this is the exact reason I have my special guest today, Lydia Kimmerling. She is a seasoned speaker on TV shows, TEDx speaker, host of closer to source podcasts. She is an amazing healing catalyst, spiritual channel, master life coach, who helps you uncover the hidden blocks behind emotional, physical, and spiritual pain.

Welcome to the show, Lydia. 

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.

I absolutely love helping people get unstuck because you can’t open new doors for more when you’re stuck in the life now. And I know that is also your work. So let’s start there.

Why do you think so many people feel stuck in life?

Okay, there’s two angles we can come for this. It’s because number one, they don’t know how to change things. So we just settle.

But then there’s a much deeper thing going on. And most of us are really stuck with energy blocks, which it’s karma, it’s emotions that are holding us back from really seeing the truth and knowing the truth of our divinity and who we are and how we can live. And when that’s playing out, you are happy to settle, or at least you convince yourself that you’re happy to settle for living in pain, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, or physical.

But as those blocks start to lift, and whether that’s could be lack of confidence, lack of courage, lack of self belief, lack of self love, comparison, and anything that can really keep us stuck, then you start to really see the truth and see where you’ve been lying to yourself.

Yeah, obviously, I’m a coach. So I love helping people get unstuck because we can help them expedite the process, right? For you, in your opinion, what’s the first step to getting unstuck?

First and foremost, I think we have to be comfortable with saying what we want. And, and that doesn’t have to necessarily be something grand. My work’s changed a lot over the 15 years I’ve been doing this.

When I first started out, it would have been about getting people to admit that they want more and what that and get, you know, creating this big vision about what it is that they want. Now, I work much more deeply and much more quickly. And the first step for me is really getting them to connect to their heart.

If I can get somebody rapidly out of the head and into the heart, then everything unpacks itself very quickly.

I like that: out of your head and into your heart. So tell me more about that.

Well, we are kind of trained to let the head lead. And that comes from school, society, and it’s really about who are you going to be in the mirror of everybody else? So the expectations of your parents and society very rarely have, are we taught how to be self-critical to understand what it is that we really want for ourselves.

And that means then that the ego leads everything and the ego believes in separation. So the ego operates from lack, which means it’s always going to be making its decisions based on validation of others, the judgment of others, and not from the place of knowing that you are already divinely perfect, whole and loved. It was never meant to lead though.

It’s not to say the mind is bad, but it’s not that the mind of the head doesn’t have a place. It does. It’s the machinery that we’ve been given to navigate this human experience, but the heart is the leader and the head is the support act.

So once you get into the heart, which is really where you can hear God’s voice, you can really allow your soul to lead. You’re create space for the head to go, Oh my goodness. I knew something wasn’t right.

I know I wasn’t actually doing the right job, but it’s difficult because the head and the heart communicate very differently. The heart doesn’t really care so much what other people think. And it’s usually going to ask you to act courageously.

It won’t always make sense. It’s going to go against a lot of the structure in which you’ve built your security around, because it’s not operating through disconnection. It’s not operating through separation.

It knows the truth and it knows the illusions of this reality.

The end. Just as you were speaking, I just feel like I have to pull up one of your recent posts on Instagram, because I really loved what you posted. It it’s five signs.

You’re not living your full potential. And I’m going to read out loud right now. Number one, you feel like you’re constantly searching, but never quite finding.

Number two, you’ve ticked the boxes in life, but still feel a quiet emptiness inside. Number three, you bounce between motivation and burnout, never fully landing in peace. Number four, you know what you should do, but something keeps stopping you.

And number five, you feel a deep inner knowing that there’s more, but can’t not access it. And I felt like what you said earlier really resonated with this post, because if you’re just, we want more, but if you’re just thinking with your head and going, with the latest trend, with what this girl says, or with whatever shiny object syndrome that you’ve caught along the way, and not really, like you talked about going deeper into your inner self, going to your heart, all these things will happen in life and they will block you from where you want to go and then they will hold you back.

Yeah, they will. And so many, I would kind say so many people are sleepwalking and that’s everything we’ve listed there is what that sleepwalking feels like, but you’re not normally aware of it when you’re in it because you’re settling and because you haven’t remembered your worth yet. And it’s only through kind of waking up and that awakening experience, which might feel like a massive insight or your heart bursting open, or you’ve gone through something really painful and it’s the pain that’s triggered this awakening, that you can admit that to yourself.

Like, yeah, I’ve been abandoning myself. I’ve been cheating myself. I’ve been lying to myself.

I am not fulfilled. I’m not happy. But sometimes it’s easier to not admit that to yourself because then you’ve got to do something about it.

And my friends and I, we joke sometimes, those of us who are on this awakening path of like, oh, do you remember when we were naive and we were still asleep and we were drinking loads and just like having a good time? And yeah, we were also in a lot of pain, but it was quite nice when you couldn’t see everything about yourself, but you can feel it. It’s showing up, but it just shows up.

It shows up in those ways of the negative behavior patterns and the ways in which we distract ourselves, right? Yeah.

And this is all about successful women, right? You’re doing well in life. And I felt like those five signs, that was totally me in my twenties, right?

I checked the boxes. People think I’m successful, but I wasn’t fulfilled. So what’s the key to feeling truly fulfilled for you, Lydia?

In my life and the journey that I’ve been on, really the key to being fulfilled is your connection to God. But I know that that isn’t an answer that can be understood well for people. I need to take it outside of religion.

I’m not a religious person, but the deeper you go, the more you search, the more you get to know yourself, the more connected you become to yourself and there becomes a deep connection to all and all that is in the cosmic energy, the fabric that weaves everything together. And you remember that there was never anything missing in the first place. So it’s not so much about finding yourself or finding fulfillment.

It’s there. It’s about lifting off everything that isn’t real and true to just reconnect to it.

I love that. But I do want to point out, we are talking about more in life, not in terms of the you hustle more, right? It’s a more powerful energy that we want to manifest more in life while having fun, while feeling aligned, while feeling fulfilled.

That’s what we want. So what’s the most powerful energy for you, Lydia, to manifest more in life?

The most powerful energy for manifesting is love, because love is the creator energy. It’s love and power. So we’ve got Shiva and Shakti, right?

So when you do the work to heal, you empower yourself. So now you’ve got the power and now you’re also reconnecting to self, which is connecting to source, to God. So you have the love.

And through those two energies, reawakened and balanced, then love everything. You love things into fruition, into reality, into manifest. So I think the way we see that so obviously is when we want to create life.

Normally, a baby is created through love. And that’s the biggest manifestation we can create as human beings is life. And so that helps to understand the power of love and manifesting.

Love where you’re at right now doesn’t mean you have to like it. But if you hate your job or your business feels like it’s stuck, or you don’t feel like you’re successful enough yet, you really need to come into the present and see what you can love to bring forward more of what you want more quickly.

I love that answer. Actually, as a matter of fact, in each of my coaching sessions, I always, always say a prayer with my client. And whether you believe in God, or the higher power, or if you’re not religious, we can pray to love because we all have the ability to love.

And when we truly believe in love, that truly has the power. So I’m really glad that was your answer, because I cannot agree more.

Yeah.

Well, I believe in order to receive more, though, we have to first let go and surrender and shed. Would you agree with that?

100% surrender. So you’ve got the love and power, which are the two strongest energies within us that will fulfill and create and that is source. And then connecting to them, the kind of the keys, I’d say are faith and surrender, which is still God that is source, but that’s the piece that we have to do.

You have to be willing to get out of the way to allow the love and the power to work through you, and for you, and because of you. So surrender and faith. And I think once you’re on this path, you’re just on a constant journey of surrender and faith, surrender more, faith more, surrender more, faith more.

But then, yeah, I love it. One exercise I used to do is to write each year, like write down what I want to let go of for that year and burn it in a bucket. I’ve done that at retreats, and I’ve loved it.

How can someone learn how to surrender, right? You’re we’re talking about it. Okay, let go surrender.

But if someone who’s having trouble with that, what exercise would you recommend them to actually do?

Maybe if I just tell a little bit of my own experience, because it is one of those things that doesn’t feel tangible. And I’m not sure that there is a step by step like this is what you do. I think you need to pay attention.

And God works in a way where it’s going to grind you down until you surrender. So if right now, first of all, number one, if you’re listening to this, you’re on the path, your soul has called you here to receive this information and whatever’s going to land for you today. So second of all, that means God’s working in your life.

I mean, it always is, but now pay attention. And if you feel stuck, if you feel like it’s like you just keep not getting what you want, there isn’t that fulfilled, light, joyful feeling. Listen, why?

Why are you not getting what you want? It’s because divine wants you to see something that you have not yet been seeing. And it’s needing to grind you down.

And actually, what it’s doing is also grinding out karma, the energy that needs to leave from your system in this discomfort. And so stop, be still, look at where life is busy and start to be in communication. So I thought I had surrendered quite a few times, but I realized I was surrendering.

And then sort of inwardly saying, look at me, I’m surrendering. What do I get now? But you can’t really do it to get something.

You do it to get out of the way. And so the time that I feel that I really did that was in 2020, end of 2022, down the back of my guard and on my knees. And without any attachment to what this was going to bring me, it was really because there was nothing left for me to do.

I realized I had exhausted all ways in which I thought I could fix things. And I said to God, you can take everything that I know to be true about myself. I just want to know what my true purpose is.

And energetically, you just feel it. You know when you are being truthful with that handing over of the responsibility of life.

Thank you for sharing. And I know much of your work also has to do with channeling. And in case someone who is not familiar with that, what is channeling?

Well, my experience of channeling has been that I went through an ascension. It was pretty full on, and I had around 100 initiations, activations with spirit. Also, I was just at home on my own, sober.

It wasn’t like a medicine initiation or anything that completely reset my nervous system. And what I understood was happening was I was being reset so that I could hold higher frequencies of light. And that makes me feel like it was kind of like an upgrade in a radio.

So before that, it was like a mid-range radio. I was pretty in tune to energy, but only within a certain range. And then my whole system was reset in a way that I was told that I can connect to everything because I am everything.

And I have that lived experience of really knowing that I’m everything. So like a very, very high-tech, top-of-the-range radio, I’m not just tuning into what my five senses, five or six, five, six, experience. I’m tuning in beyond the 3D and receive wisdom that has the highest energetic and highest spiritual perspective.

So for someone who’s going like, oh, I have no idea how that feels like, that’s not me. But what I want to get across is that we all have that inner wisdom within us. Even if you’re not talking to spirits, even you’re saying this is too woo-woo for me, but you still have that inner knowing.

You do have that inner wisdom, right? Lydia, how would you guide someone to say you have that wisdom and how can we use that wisdom?

So when we don’t believe that we have that wisdom or we’re struggling to hear it, it’s a journey around learning to trust yourself. So when the trusting of yourself isn’t there, it’s usually married to the feeling of not trusting life either. And it would mean that you are more attached to what’s going on externally.

So this is a kind of a repairing of a relationship with yourself. And that comes through doing the inner work, however you decide to do it. There’s not one right way, whether you choose therapy, coaching, EFT, whatever you choose to do.

It’s a coming home to yourself because once you’ve reconnected to yourself, you trust yourself because you know yourself. And what’s the one thing when we’re kids and our parents say, don’t talk to strangers, don’t trust strangers. And so if you’re a stranger to yourself because no one’s ever taught you how to go into yourself, then you’re also not going to trust or even know what that inner wisdom is.

And I think we’re talking about true trust because so often I know people say, oh, I trust myself. I love myself. I believe in myself.

But they’re using it as affirmations, but not deep down inside. They’re not trusting. So how do you change that?

I think that’s when we moved from trust to faith.

So it’s like the difference between believing and knowing. Trust and belief kind of sit here. It’s an effort.

You have to kind of do some work to get into the trust, to get into the believing. So it’s not become you yet. But when trusting drops into faith and believing drops into knowing, it’s become you.

But the thing is to be able to have that richness in yourself, you have to be willing to get into the dirt of yourself and the darkness of yourself. And quite often that gold is hidden in the darkest, most scary situations or experiences of ourself. But as you allow yourself to be in that, for example, let’s say something really simple.

You’re in a nine to five. And what you really want is to be an entrepreneur and have your business. Right.

But all you’ve ever known or you’ve ever been conditioned with is security comes from your nine to five, which I think most of us can relate to. So your whole nervous system is set to believe that you need that structure around you to be safe. And so when you start to think about stepping into something that doesn’t have any of that, which is going to involve trusting yourself and stepping into the unknown, that can feel like somebody’s running after you in a dark alley.

That’s how real that fear can feel. But until you actually just go ahead and do it, you’re not going to earn the faith and the knowing on the other side. But that’s the only way to really get it as well.

And I think it’s a great time to point out that this happens in the beginning of your journey. And it’ll happen again, every level you go up when you’re just starting out, you’re going to think, oh, once I hit six figures, you know, this would be a lot better. No, your stakes are getting higher, the problem will always be there that on the untrustworthy will always come back up if you don’t do these practices.

And I think we are here to tell you that you are meant for more. But before you chase that more, it’s really coming back to yourself what you are let go of the past so that you have the capacity to receive more.

Awesome.

So Lydia and I are here to make you believe that a truly fulfilled life is out there. And you learn to trust you have that inner well of wisdom already inside of you and just listen to your heart. Okay, thank you for your wisdom today, Lydia.

In case someone need a picker upper, what is a quote that you can recommend them?

So as I said, I’m not much of a quotes person. There’s only one quote that I’ve ever remembered, I still need to it’s so short, I still need to like go back and check what it is. Okay, a rising tide lifts all boats.

I think this stuck with me by John F. Kennedy is that when you’re on this healing path, it can feel very isolating. And you will go through a season of shedding, losing friends, relationships, jobs, houses, a lot of stuff will start to fall away.

But just know that as you rise, everything and everyone around you will too.

Great reminder, can you say the quote again, a rising tide lifts all boats. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Okay, so Lydia’s info will be linked below.

So connect with her and follow her. Thank you for being with us. Thank you.

Thank you for having me. And thank you for listening.