Auto Draft

Wouldn’t it be nice if you can solve all of your life problems? Well, today I’m going to show you the first step to doing just that.

Problems are often not real problems: Things talked about in this episode: 

• The first step to solving problems is separating facts from feelings.

• Facts are neutral; our thoughts give them meaning.

• Your thoughts create your emotions—not the situation.

• Clarity comes when you pause, observe your thoughts, and choose new ones.

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

WATCH THE EPISODE

Welcome back to the Lucy Liu Show, the podcast where we dive deep into building unwavering confidence and creating a life of joy on your terms.

I’m Lucy Liu, your host, life coach, and biggest cheerleader.

I’ve coached hundreds of women. So if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or stuck with life problems, this episode is for you as I present to you the life-changing mindset that completely transformed the life I have and the life of my clients. I was standing in line the other day for something and talking to the beautiful ladies behind me.

And they asked me this question, what do you think is the top problem you see with people you have talked to or have helped? Guess what my answer was.

I said, it was that they actually don’t have a problem. Stay with me in this episode and you’ll see why I said that.

Today, we’re tackling a game-changing concept.

The first step to solving any problem is to differentiate between the facts of life and your thoughts and feelings about those facts.

I know it sounds simple, but once you really get this, it can totally transform how you approach challenges in every area of your life.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like your problems are insurmountable, stay with me. You might just discover that the problem, quote-unquote problem you’re facing is actually one you’ve created with your own thoughts. Let’s dive in.

Let’s start with talking about how most of us actually naturally approach problems. When something happens in life, a disagreement with your partner, a less than expected performance review at work, or a dip in your business, whatever that problem is, it’s easy to believe that the event itself is the problem. But here’s the truth.

The facts are never the real problem. It is your thoughts and feelings about these facts that create your suffering.

Let me give you an example.

So you are creating this new program, webinar, workshop, whatever it is that you are creating. The fact is only five people signed up. A possible thought could be, no one is interested in what I offer.

I’m a failure. This would lead to feelings of discouragement, disappointment, maybe even feeling shameful. The fact is actually neutral.

The fact is that five people signed up for your event, that is just data. That is neutral. It’s neither positive or negative.

But the story you tell yourself that you attach to it creates emotional turmoil.

Okay, so here’s another example. You step on the scale and see a number.

Fact, the scale shows a number that says 160 pounds. A possible thought you could have is, I will never lose weight. I have no self-discipline.

That could possibly lead to feelings of defeated or self-criticism. Do you see the pattern I’m trying to get at? The number on the scale or the number of clients isn’t actually the source of your suffering. It’s your interpretation of it.

So how do you begin? So the first step is actually to separate the facts. Separate the facts from your thoughts and feelings. So here’s how you can do this.

Number one, state the facts like a journalist.

Just a who, what, when, where. No adjectives, no interpretation, no judgment of yourself.

An example would be, instead of saying, she was rude to me, say, she said the words, I’m too busy for this right now. So I’m too busy right now might be something she said to you. But your thoughts about that statement would be, she was rude to me.

See how that could be separated?

That’s what we do in step number two is to identify your thought.

Ask yourself, what am I making this fact mean to me?

Your brain will always offer you a narrative. So pay attention to it.

Make awareness of what your thoughts are about the facts. Then that leads to number three.

The third step is to notice the feeling that follows.

Your thoughts create your feelings. Your thoughts create your emotions.

So if you feel rejected, angry, discouraged, whatever you’re feeling, it’s because of the meaning you’ve assigned to the circumstance, the fact, the event that is happening.

But when you separate the facts from your thoughts, you’ll often discover that the problem is often self-imposed. Okay, so let’s apply this to another real life scenario that could be possible. Imagine you’re working towards a big goal.

Maybe you’re growing your business, writing a book, making a career pivot, whatever that big goal of yours is. You pitch an idea to someone and they said, no, we’re not interested right now, right? We all get no’s in life. I do, I’m sure you do in some way or another.

So the fact, the circumstance, the event is they said, no, we’re not interested right now. The thought could be, oh, they rejected me. My ideas weren’t good enough.

See, those thoughts would lead to feelings of defeated and unworthiness. But when you pause and strip down to the fact, you’ll see that the no is just data. It’s just simply a fact.

It’s simply a circumstance. It is neutral. It’s neither negative or positive.

It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or incapable. It simply means that particular person or company wasn’t interested in that particular moment. Here’s where the magic happens.

When you stop making rejection and setbacks personal, you stop suffering.

You can look at the facts with curiosity instead of self-judgment. You can ask yourself, well, what can I learn from this? How can I improve or pivot? Who can I reach out to next? After you’ve pivot, made the improvement and reach out again, the answer could very likely be an yes this time.

Whereas if you stayed in the negative feelings and thoughts, if you didn’t take any positive actions, you wouldn’t have the next time around the positive results. So here’s my challenge to you. The next time you’re facing a problem, pause and do a fact check.

Write down the pure facts, the pure circumstance, the pure event that happened. Identify your thoughts about these facts. Notice how your thoughts are creating certain feelings.

Write them down. Because when you’re actually consciously doing this, you’ll be amazed at how much unnecessary stress you can release just by recognizing that the problem might only exist in your mind. And when you master this practice, you’ll feel more empowered, more grounded, and far less reactive.

You’ll start to see that you hold the power, not the circumstances. So again, always remember that the circumstances are simply facts. They are neutral.

You get to put a positive or negative sign in front of it. This could be a very good time to actually pause the video, take out a piece of paper and do this exercise with something that has recently happened to you that is bringing you stress or feeling like it is a problem. Separate the facts and turn around your thoughts because only positive thoughts will create positive feelings.

Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, take a moment to share it with a friend who could use this message. And if you have any trouble separating your facts, thoughts, and feelings, feel free to reach out to me and I can help.

And if you’re ready to take this work deeper and build unshakable confidence, check out my free resource, a PDF with the first 10 chapters of my book, Confident and Epic. It’s packed with powerful strategies to help you shift your mindset and step into your boldest self. And you can download it by heading over to my website, lucylucoaching.com. That’s L-U-C-Y-L-I-U coaching.com. 

Until next time, remember, you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for.

Keep showing up, keep growing, and keep being you.